haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
