my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I believe in your delicious
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
