theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
