she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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