Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
