she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
