She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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