Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
