I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
