remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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