After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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