I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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