My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
