I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
