He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
