My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
