just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
