I wish my penis had an off switch
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
