I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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