Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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