I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
