You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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