he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize