I need to stop coming to work sober
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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