You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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