my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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