I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
