I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
