Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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