don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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