took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
