dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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