Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
