My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
