Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
