dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
