fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
