You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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