thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
