oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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