Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
