I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
