Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh god the rape fog is back!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
