Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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