ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
