thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
