remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize