Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
