508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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