the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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