Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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