I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
