If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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