I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
