i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
