And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just fell off a train. Bad.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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