Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
