were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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