So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
