Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
