thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you didnt know i had herpes?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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