is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
