I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
