she woke up with a sticky ear
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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