Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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