the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
