I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
