if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
