I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
