so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
