So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
