Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
