Cold hands, warm shart.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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