I've blown a few things in my day
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize