I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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