Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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