remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
