The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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