im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
